That familiar knot in the stomach
For many children and teenagers, the end of August brings a particular kind of dread. The new school year is approaching, and with it comes a wave of “what ifs”. What if I don’t know anyone in my form group? What if the work is too hard? What if last year’s friendship trouble starts again?
Some nerves before a new term are entirely healthy. They are the body’s way of preparing for something that matters. But for a growing number of young people, the anxiety goes well beyond first-day jitters. It settles in for weeks, disrupts sleep, affects appetite, and can make September feel almost impossible to face.
Understanding the difference between normal pre-term nerves and something that needs more support is one of the most useful things a parent can do.
What back-to-school anxiety actually looks like
Anxiety in young people does not always look like worry. It often shows up in the body first.
In younger children (primary age), you might notice:
- Stomach aches or headaches that appear reliably on school mornings and ease at weekends
- Clinginess, tearfulness, or reluctance to separate
- Sleep difficulties, bad dreams, or waking early in the weeks before term
- Regression to younger behaviours (bedwetting, thumb-sucking, wanting a comfort object)
- Explosive outbursts or meltdowns that seem disproportionate to the trigger
In teenagers, the picture can look quite different:
- Withdrawal from family, shutting down conversations about school
- Increased irritability or emotional volatility
- Spending more time on screens as a way of avoiding the thought of going back
- Catastrophising (“everyone will have moved on, no one will talk to me”)
- Physical symptoms with no clear medical cause
- A sudden drop in motivation for things they usually enjoy
None of these signs mean something is seriously wrong. But if several are present, if they are intensifying as September approaches, or if your child had a difficult previous year, they are worth paying attention to.
Why this time of year can be particularly hard
Transitions are genuinely difficult for most people, children included. The end of the summer holiday is a transition with several layers: a change in routine, a change in social environment, often a change in who their teacher or tutor is, and sometimes a move to an entirely new school.
The summer break also gives some of those social muscles time to get rusty. Children who struggled with friendships in the summer term may have spent the holidays half-dreading going back to that situation. Teenagers who had a difficult experience with a particular peer group may be bracing themselves.
For young people with additional needs, learning differences, or a history of school-based difficulties, the approach of a new year can bring all of those past experiences flooding back, even when the new year might objectively be a fresh start.
What parents can do
The most important thing is also the simplest: take what your child is feeling seriously, without catastrophising alongside them.
Dismissing (“you’ll be fine, don’t be silly”) tends to close the conversation and leave children feeling that their worry is shameful or excessive. Joining in the catastrophising can amplify it. The middle ground is warm acknowledgement: “I can hear that feels really scary. Tell me what’s worrying you most.”
Some other things that help:
- Start routines early. A week or two before term, gently shift sleep and morning rhythms back towards school time. The physical shock of returning is easier when the body is already in the right pattern.
- Make the unknown more concrete. For children moving to a new school, a visit to walk the route or see the building before the first day can take the edge off. For teenagers, knowing their form group or timetable in advance helps.
- Ask specific questions. “How are you feeling about school?” often gets a shrug. “Who are you hoping to sit with at lunch?” or “What are you most looking forward to this year?” opens things up.
- Stay calm yourself. Children are finely attuned to parental anxiety. If you are visibly worried about them going back, they will often amplify their own worry in response.
When professional support makes sense
Most back-to-school anxiety settles once children are back in the building and the routine is re-established. But some does not. If your child’s anxiety is:
- Severe enough to cause regular school refusal or significant physical symptoms
- Persisting well into term rather than easing after the first week or two
- Linked to a specific event such as bullying, bereavement, or a difficult transition
- Part of a broader pattern of anxiety that affects other areas of their life
…then it is worth considering professional support sooner rather than later. Anxiety responds well to early intervention. Left unaddressed, it can become more entrenched and begin to affect a young person’s confidence, relationships, and sense of who they are.
At Inner Space, we work with children from age 7, teenagers, and young adults. Our therapists have experience supporting young people through school-related anxiety, transitions, friendship difficulties, and the particular pressures of adolescence. For younger children, our dramatherapist Jessica uses creative approaches including storytelling and imaginative expression that do not require a child to sit and talk about feelings in an unfamiliar way.
If you are unsure whether therapy is the right step, you are always welcome to get in touch for a conversation first. We can help you think through what kind of support might be most helpful.
You can also read more about our therapy for teenagers and our approach to working with children and young people.