Deciding to come to relationship therapy can feel like a significant step. It may be a romantic partnership, a relationship between family members, or another important relationship that has become difficult. Many people worry that seeking support means admitting the relationship has failed, or that a therapist will tell them what they should do. Neither is true. This article explains what relationship therapy can involve and what you might expect if you decide to try it.
What relationship therapy is
Relationship therapy is a form of talking therapy for two people who want to better understand an important relationship. It may support romantic partners, adult family members such as a parent and adult child, siblings, or other people whose relationship matters to them. Sessions take place with both people present, alongside a therapist trained to work with relationship dynamics as well as individual experience.
It is not a mediation service, and a good therapist will not take sides or tell either person who is right. Their role is to help you understand what is happening between you, communicate more clearly, and find a way forward that reflects what you both need.
When people come to relationship therapy
There is no single reason that brings people to relationship therapy, and you do not need to be in crisis to benefit from it. Some common reasons include:
- A recurring pattern of arguments that never quite resolves
- A sense of growing distance, hurt or disconnection
- Difficulty communicating without things escalating
- A breach of trust or a relationship that feels difficult to repair
- Navigating a significant life transition, such as becoming a parent, a bereavement, illness or a career change
- Long-standing family tensions that are difficult to talk about alone
- Wanting to separate or change the relationship more thoughtfully and with respect
Coming to therapy before things reach a crisis point can give you more room to explore what is happening. When there is still some willingness to listen and understand each other, the work can be more open and productive.
What happens in a session
A first session usually involves the therapist getting to know you both, understanding what brings you, and getting a sense of the relationship’s history. It is also an opportunity for you to get a feel for the therapist and whether you both feel comfortable working with them.
From there, sessions tend to be exploratory. You might talk about specific situations that have come up, or about patterns you each notice. A skilled relationship therapist will help you hear each other more clearly, sometimes by slowing conversations down and sometimes by reflecting what they observe. This is different from simply talking things through at home, because a third person in the room can make a different kind of conversation possible.
Sessions typically last 50 to 60 minutes. Some people come for a set number of sessions with a specific goal in mind, while others work in a more open-ended way over a longer period. Your therapist will discuss this with you as the work develops.
Does it work?
Relationship therapy can help people understand patterns, feel heard and find more constructive ways of responding to each other. As with any therapy, an important part of the process is the quality of the relationship between the people attending and the therapist, alongside each person’s willingness to engage with the work. It is not a passive experience. The sessions are part of the work, but so is what happens between sessions, in the daily interactions where change can begin to take root.
Therapy is not a guarantee that a relationship will continue in the same form. It can, however, offer clarity, understanding and practical ways of relating that people may carry forward, whether they stay close, make changes, or decide to part ways.
Who can relationship therapy support?
At Inner Space, we use the word “relationships” deliberately. We work with people in a range of important relationships, including married, unmarried, long-term and new partnerships, same-sex and different-sex couples, parents and adult children, and siblings. The therapy does not assume one particular kind of relationship. What it does assume is that you both want to understand something more clearly and are willing to be in the room together to try.
Where a wider family group would benefit from support, family therapy may be the more suitable approach. We can talk this through with you when you get in touch.
Getting started
If you are thinking about relationship therapy, the most useful first step is usually a conversation. At Inner Space, you can book a free introductory phone call with one of our therapists to talk through what you are looking for and whether our approach might suit you. There is no commitment involved, and you are welcome to speak with more than one therapist before deciding who to work with.
You can find out more about relationship therapy at Inner Space on our therapy services page.